Decrypting Cultural Norms and Quirks

Everyone knows that Parisians are rude, right? It’s admittedly a stereotype that even French people outside the big capital tend to fiercely cling onto. If you ask residents of Toulouse, Nantes, or Lyon, they may likely respond with a little knowing smile and a dramatic sigh if you ask them what they think of the capital city, even going so far as to comment: “I can’t stand it there! People are so snobby, stressed, and rude!”

Why, then, is it important to challenge what seems to be common knowledge even among French compatriots, and sometimes even noted by Parisians themselves? Well, as we explain in our amusing look at the most common stereotypes about Paris, the concept of “rudeness” itself is, to a large degree, culturally relative.

This interesting Guardian article explores, for example, how the idea of Paris’ “rude” restaurant service comes down, more often than not, to cultural misunderstandings: while Americans are used to servers coming to ask how they are every five minutes, French people tend to prefer to be left alone to eat their meal. They especially don’t like to be given the bill before they’ve asked for it, feeling as if they’re being pushed out by the servers.

Let’s not kid ourselves: sometimes service really is rude. Tourists have the right to expect basic courteous treatment from servers, shop owners, or information bureau staff. If you’re insulted, left to wait for hours without service, or refused service for dubious reasons, feel free to complain.

But more often than not, there’s a grey area that needs to be defined. Rudeness is sometimes a question of perception, and learning some basic cultural conventions and attitudes common in Paris can go a long way in smoothing your experience. Our bottom line? If you’re anxious about suffering from unfriendly service in Paris and want to learn how to navigate some typical cultural exchanges in restaurants, shops, and in the streets, read on.

01 of 05: Begin every conversation with these polite French expressions

In contrast to the US and the UK, in Paris and the rest of France, formal greetings are widely used and considered part of polite behavior. Whether you’re ordering a croissant from a Parisian bakery, requesting maps or advice from a staff member in a local tourist office, or asking for directions in the street, always begin your exchanges with “Bonjour, Madame“, or “Bonjour, Monsieur” (I don’t generally recommend “Mademoiselle” for younger women, as some find it condescending or presumptuous). Use these Every. Single. Time.

Why? If you don’t open your exchange with this basic polite greeting, your Parisian server or street goer will likely perceive YOU as rude. So don’t be surprised if someone responds in a clippy or irritated tone when you rush up and say “Hi, gimme a croissant” or even a more polite “Excuse me, how do you get to the Eiffel Tower?” without saying “Bonjour” or “Excusez-moi, Monsieur?”

You might retort that French people should know some English. And of course, most do. However, how hard is it to learn a few basic polite greetings in French? It’s a small but significant sign of respect for your host culture and shows that you’ve taken some time to understand the local etiquette ahead of your visit.

We can almost guarantee that your experience will be at least a bit friendlier if you follow this rule. Unless, of course, you encounter a series of angry and grouchy types (who’d probably exhibit similar personality traits whether they lived in Paris or New York).

02 of 05: Don’t expect restaurant servers to hover and smile

Another source of cultural misunderstanding that leads many to assume that Paris has an incorrigibly rude service culture is that standards for good service in restaurants, cafes, and bars are often just different in France.

While Americans, for example, are accustomed to servers coming by every five minutes to fill water glasses and cheerfully ask whether the meals meet their expectations, French people generally like to be given space and time to eat and converse without too many interruptions. You can expect your server to come by several times during the meal to clear plates, bring your next course, and fulfill any requests, but aside from asking, “C’est terminé?” (Have you finished?), they’ll rarely engage in small talk or give wide smiles.

They tend to leave gaps between courses to allow time to digest and properly enjoy your meal. French people take more time during restaurant outings: unless you’ve been waiting hours for some attention, try to enjoy the experience rather than huff and sigh about the slow service.

Another major cultural difference? In most instances, servers will not bring you your bill automatically. To do so would actually be seen as an incredibly rude gesture, since for the French it implies they want you to clear your table as soon as possible to allow the next customers to take it.

While some tourists might find service slow or aloof, in short, some behaviors you might associate with coldness or rudeness are, in fact, seen as parts of normal, courteous service in France. So don’t withhold a tip just because your server didn’t grant you a wide smile and coo at your baby. A little professional distance is seen as appropriate in the French service industry.

03 of 05: Don’t expect everything to operate like it does in your home country

You’re used to having non-Dijon mustard on your favorite baguette sandwich, but the bakery doesn’t have French’s mustard (a big misnomer, of course, since it isn’t French). Even more frustratingly, they don’t make sandwiches to order: you’ll have to settle for the ones they already have out. Your children like to eat fish sticks for lunch and dinner, but the supposedly child-friendly brasserie outside your hotel only has pasta and hamburgers to offer young eaters. You’re used to clerks in American department stores rushing across the room to help you find your size when you look like you’ve been searching for a while, but in Paris, the staff remain aloof and distant behind cashiers.

The first step here is to breathe. Remember that travel isn’t just about visiting glorious historical attractions and enjoying foreign cuisine; it’s about immersing yourself in an entirely different place, with a whole set of different assumptions about how the world should work, and strangely alien conventions and rules. Part of the fun of travel is learning to adapt, recognizing that your own assumptions and beliefs, including what makes a good sandwich or how store owners should respond to your presence, are in fact culturally relative.

Now, rather than getting upset that things aren’t exactly as they are at home, enjoy the adventure of being somewhere remarkably different. In this age of globalization and corporate sameness, that’s a pretty exciting opportunity.

04 of 05: Don’t ask strangers personal questions, or chat their ear off unless encouraged

This tip relates closely to a point made previously. While in many cultures, gabbing with strangers is considered perfectly normal and even desirable, Parisians tend to be a bit more reserved. They are generally friendly and polite when approached with a practical question (assuming you use those basic French greetings we talked about earlier), and it’s common to see locals go out of their way to give directions, help visitors find the perfect bakery, or advise on which metro line to take. They’re less enthusiastic about hearing your life story, regardless of how interesting you may feel it is; and they will certainly be taken aback if you start asking them personal questions. Unless your interlocutor invites you to lunch and initiates a more personal conversation, avoid asking where they live, their religion, political beliefs, or whether French people “really” hate Americans (most really don’t). It’s fine to request advice on their favorite bakery or museum but refrain from divulging your soul or expecting them to do the same.

05 of 05: Get oriented by visiting a tourist information center

Let’s face it: empowered and informed visitors are more likely to enjoy their trip, understand the context of the place they’re visiting, and consequently feel more relaxed and in control. By visiting one of the city’s many tourist information centers at the beginning of your trip, you can talk to one of the (usually very friendly) staff members about any special needs or concerns you may have, receive maps and other documents to assist you during your stay, and get advice on how to handle any problems or at least be directed to the right service.

Some of the welcome centers’ city guides and maps can be downloaded online here.

On a related note, read our guide to staying safe in Paris. Nothing’s ruder than getting pickpocketed or being harassed while traveling solo as a woman. Take our advice to avoid these unpleasant experiences during your stay and take care.