Poets have written about it, bands have sung about it, Hollywood has made movies about it: long-distance love has been a well-documented trial of the heart for as long as people have traveled and felt Cupid’s arrow. It’s also increasingly common in this age of cheap flights, digital nomads, TEFL teachers, and footloose travelers.
However, long-distance love can be an isolating and challenging experience. Therefore, how do couples make it work? iBestTravel writer James Bainbridge, who had a continent-spanning relationship between and , shares insights from couples and offers his own advice.
1. Have an End in Sight
I met Leigh-Robin in a on Cape Town’s main nightlife strip, . A couple of months later, Leigh-Robin visited me in London, leading us to live in . Finally, I followed her back to Cape Town. Nine years later, we’re happily married with two young children.
During those early days filled with Skype sessions and separation, it was encouraging to have an end to the long-distance chapter in sight. Our relationship developed with concrete goals, ensuring it didn’t feel like an abstract, virtual affair. Consequently, true to our globe-trotting nature, we’re passing on the travel bug to our kids.
2. Share a Dream
Illinois-born Jennifer Gilmore has lived the travel dream, spending over a decade in nine countries from to . Given this globe-trotting career, it was perhaps unsurprising that she met Tanzanian Fabi Mwaikokoba during a trip to .
“What has made our long-distance relationship bearable is our shared vision,” Jennifer writes from . “We are apart because it’s best for our careers, but our long-term goal is to buy land, build a house, and grow a farm in mainland . We both want this, and we’re willing to make sacrifices to achieve it.”
3. Engage with Multimedia
Technology is incredibly helpful in maintaining long-distance relationships, whether it’s lovers sending sweet messages or families keeping in touch via video calls. American senator Cory Booker reads books aloud over FaceTime with girlfriend Rosario Dawson. Their shared reading list includes City of Thieves, set in during WWII.
4. Align Core Values
Having shared beliefs was central to the relationship of London-based digital developer Paddy Keane and American jewelry designer Christine Casil. “The distance encouraged me to think about commitment, as travel expenses were a consideration,” says Paddy.
Trips to Christine’s home in and helped keep their connection alive. Ultimately, Paddy credits shared values, such as cultivating a mindset centered on community support, as essential to their relationship.
5. Engage in Fun Activities
It’s no surprise that iBestTravel’s travel-loving writers are skilled in maintaining long-distance love. Author Alex Leviton suggests that while digital communication is beneficial, “playing a game online or engaging in shared experiences is even more enriching.”
Her journey began at a castle in , where she found love while working on a project in Google Docs. They shared their days and research, creating a meaningful connection despite the distance. Now, they play games over text when apart, illustrating how creativity can bridge distance.
6. Find the Same Headspace
British filmmaker Patrick Steel found true love across the pond. The couple, having settled in , had to navigate the challenges of time zone differences. He emphasizes the importance of scheduling proper catch-up times instead of opting for brief exchanges throughout the day.
“WhatsApp is a great tool for daily connection, ensuring you’re both involved in each other’s lives,” he adds.
7. Be Open in Communication
Travel writer Alex Leviton highlights an unconventional approach in her long-distance relationship with Ryan and Alexis Ver Berkmoes. Initially only corresponding through written letters without digital communication, they developed a strong epistolary romance.
“Having an open heart in communication is key,” Ryan explains. They learned to embrace moments of friction in communication upon reuniting, understanding that it is part of their journey.
8. Watch Movies Together
Designer Matthew Wainhouse and analyst Lenka Smitova take a practical approach by watching movies together online. Lenka resides in London, while Matthew is busy renovating their home in .
“One thing we often do is synchronize our movie watching by pressing play at the same time while wearing headphones. If done correctly, it’s almost like enjoying a movie together,” he explains.
This article was originally published in December 2019 and updated August 2020.
